"Inner peace and spirituality can suck it."

"Inner peace and spirituality can suck it."  This is the introduction to a New York Magazine video exploring Competitive Yoga.  The images are of people contorting themselves into all sorts of asanas for an expectant crowd and panel of judges.  Falter, you lose points.  One of the judges even admits, "We aren't judging the yoga..."  Umm....I would like to donate to you this new term, as this is clearly American Power Stretching at its finest.  Give us "Yoga" back, please.  That's the space where I try to work with my tendencies, not fuel them, and I certainly don't need your help exacerbating my competitive nature.

Coming from a background in gymnastics, this instinct is one that I incessantly confront while practicing yoga.  I have to combat the will to sink lower into postures, clench tighter through shaking muscles, and hold my Om longer than my neighbors (I wish I was kidding about the last one).  I feel embarrassed when I fall out of Half Moon or can't quite reach my binds.  When teachers ask us to set intentions at the beginning of class, I often silently plead with myself to be gentle.  

Even when I sit down to meditate there is a sense that I need to be "good" at it, and that I am "bad" when I have many thoughts, or get lost for ten minutes perseverating over the perfect comeback for an earlier verbal exchange.  Conversely, when I notice myself creating that space between my thoughts, other thoughts are quick to affirm my meditative prowess.  I suddenly am winning meditation!  I'm enlightened!  I'm....thinking.

But these are the places where we are supposed to practice coming back to our breath, and our presence.  Where it's great to fall out of that posture, or this meditative state, so we can figure out what to do next.  How to right ourselves.  Where it's perfection to see our competitive spirit play out.  Let us enjoy in the fall and the rise, without keeping score.

I want to be able to come to yoga without the pressure of contorting into a pretzel.  I want to be able to come to meditation without the expectation that I sit cross-legged and clear my mind of every thought.  I want to remember it's a place to practice the way I want to be off the mat and cushion.   And really its not the competitive yoga that's the problem, nor is it my need to compete.  They are all opportunities to redefine my practice for myself.  To notice myself and the world.  And to laugh.  Because how can you not when people are describing a yoga event with this eloquently spoken line, "Inner peace and spirituality can suck it."