Two gold stars, please.

At 11:44pm last night, I was walking home from my friends' show with a few beers in me, when I remembered I had not meditated yet that day.  Weekends are always the hardest for me.  Though time is in abundance as compared to the rest of the week, the lack of structure compels me to lay in bed reading YA sci fi novels rather than getting up to do my morning sit, which has become routine for weekday mornings.  So at that late night hour, I set my timer to one minute, and mindfully walked, with a slight buzz, the next block.  I noticed my footfall, the traffic lights, and the noise of the city.  I stopped puzzling over an interaction I had earlier in the evening and experienced that moment.  The kind of moment I often lose while unskillfully trying to text a friend or plan the next day.  Having procrastinated my meditation to late a night mundane moment gave me access to a time I would usually neglect.  It wasn't 20 minutes in the woods, and more limited than I want my consistent practice, but it was worthwhile by magnifying that moment in time.

I owe this to the promise of a literal gold star.  A month ago, I downloaded the Insight Timer, which has a pleasant gong sound when you begin and end your sit.  It's true power for me, however, lies in the Stats Page and Community Activity profile.  The timer tracks how many days you've sat, how much time you sit each day and overall, and how many consecutive days you've sat.  This last piece has contributed more to my consistency than anything else the last two weeks.  It was what had me pull my phone out just before midnight last night.  You see, every 10 days you get a new star, and I was on my 19th day.  I couldn't sacrifice that star to my malaise.  I needed that star.

In addition, I get to see how many people are meditating, using the timer, worldwide.  I am updated about who from the Insight Meditation Community of Washington is meditating, and which of my friends are active.  Even when I sit alone, I know there are others sharing that experience.  I find this, too, reinforcing.

There are those that argue that mindfulness practices shouldn't be goal oriented.  We should sit for the experience of being.  Perhaps these apps are taking away from this intention.  But for me, if my ultimate goal is to live more mindfully, and be more present for my life, than I'm down for some scaffolding.  While I'm in this more wavering irresolute place in my spiritual development, I need the support.  That's the gift of sangha, and that's the gift of gold stars and pie charts.  I still need all the support on my path that I can get.  So rather than fight my all too human tendencies towards goal-orientation, a touch (maybe more) of a competitive spirit, and desire for connectedness,  I am down with using them to help me with my bigger goals.

Immediately after my timer gonged the end of my minute last night, I got my second milestone gold star for 20 days in a row completed.   And I loved it.  I'm going for 30, with the hope that the consistency will afford me a little more equanimity along the way.